The Courage to be Seen: A Reflection on Vulnerability & Authentic Connection
Exploring vulnerability and how practicing it intentionally can lead to emotional healing, authentic connection, and relational growth
What is Vulnerability?
According to Merriam Webster, it means: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded.
Dictionary.com takes it a bit further with: a willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weaknesses to be seen or known; willingness to risk being emotionally hurt.
Brené Brown frames vulnerability like this: “...uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure”, but on the softer side of this, "Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences."
My Early Perception of Vulnerability
When I used to consider the act of being vulnerable, everything inside of me would cringe to my core, and yet, for as long as I can remember, there was always a deeper part of me that has longed for and cried out for the fullness of the experience.
It is one of things I desire most and yet have frequently changed my course while in pursuit to attain it.
When two people become intimate through a connection that has nothing to do with being physical, it is an experience which evokes a sense of connectedness and belonging - one of acceptance and authenticity, inviting you to be yourself without fear.
This is something we all desire and deserve as humans.
Why Does Vulnerability Feel So Hard?
But why can it feel so impossible to attain and even more so, sustain within the scope of relationships?
Depending on how we define vulnerability, determines how we engage it.
Is it a weakness that leaves you feeling naked and exposed, or is it a super-power in which the cloak of confidence covers you?
I have witnessed vulnerability played out on both ends of the spectrum, in my personal life and in observing others. Vulnerabilities which have been exposed through reactive responses by over-sharing and trauma-dumping, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, thoughtfully shared life experiences as a means of teaching, or establishing connection and trust, which have led to reflective insights and healing.
The Vulnerability Hangover
In my experiences, I have discovered the latter was not really expressing healthy vulnerability at all; I was seeking acceptance and connection from people whom I was never meant to be connected with, which often resulted in judgment and caused shame to loom over me like a heavy cloud chasing its next storm.
The aftermath of the shares left me feeling as though I had a bad vulnerability hangover - exposed and weak - often followed by destructive self-talk, which reinforced narratives written by authors earlier in my life.
Other times, I would flee from vulnerability, especially in my romantic relationships; this has left a trail of collateral damages because I subconsciously reinforced the childhood narratives that I’m not good enough and didn’t deserve the very thing I ached for, so I’d sabotage it by ‘running away’, figuratively and sometimes literally - or I’d engage in relationships that were never going to be sustainable, because they were never meant to be.
Practicing Healthy Vulnerability
Getting comfortable with practicing healthy vulnerability is just that - a practice. It’s a shifting of perspective that happens over time.
It’s showing yourself grace when you feel like you’re recovering from a vulnerability hangover because you mixed up what you thought it was in that moment. It is remembering to take note of the lessons learned and move forward without tethering yourself to the fall.
Today I view the act of being vulnerable as a valuable gift - one I practice sharing with intention, living fully in the moment and not struggling in the vast lands of what ifs and instead consider, what’s possible…?
Final Thought
Vulnerability will always ask something of us. Honesty, courage, and a willingness to be seen beyond the layers we’ve spent years hiding behind.
It’s not about being fearless; it’s about showing up even when fear is present.
Each time we allow ourselves to authentically engage, we offer an invitation for deeper connection - not just with others, but with the one who is forever near - you.
Reflections:
I’d like to invite you to journal the following reflective questions and give yourself time to sit with them and not rush through to answer.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to be truly seen, without hiding behind strength or perfection?
How do you respond when others show you their vulnerability? Does it feel safe, uncomfortable, or unfamiliar?
When have you confused vulnerability with oversharing in an attempt to make connections and seek validation?
For more on Dr. Brené Brown’s work, see a clip from Inc. Magazine’s interview: The Biggest Myth About Vulnerability
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